it’s frightening, thinking about what i might do with my life. i can’t jump from one part time job to the next, the way i have been for the past several years. that’s high school stuff, college stuff, kid stuff. and i’m supposed to be a grown up in…nine months. i wonder if i’ll find something better for me than a chiropractor’s receptionist position. maybe i’ll be in new york, working my way up in some big publishing group. that is, if penguin calls me back in the next couple months and tells me i got the internship.
future future.
i should’ve been a nurse, like grace. or i shoulda gone into graphic design. not english. english is for goobers who want to either go become english teachers or work their way through a phd and become english professors. what else?
screwed. even a communications degree would be much, much better. i shoulda tried to be a nurse.
i know things always end up working out, but i can’t help but feel stressed about how. how is the world going to find a place for me? is there space for me? hi world, please scoot over just a teeny bit. i need someplace to fit.
i’ve stopped reading, and i’ve stopped writing. i only do it when it’s mandatory and when there’s a deadline attached to it. and even then i treat it like a disease, putting it off and off until it’s 11pm and i’ve finished watching top chef or something. unni, remember last summer, when i was all sorts of elated about becoming an english professor? remember how i said i feel like i’ve just started learning, and that i had finally, finally found my niche?
well…i’ve stopped reading and writing. so never mind all that.
future, please make room for me.
